I once had quite a powerful conversation during the time of my eating disorder. The words spoken to me were said in such an empathetic way that I could actually hear them, and that was hard because when you are in the grasp of an addiction it is hard to hear anything.
She said –
“All the time and energy that goes into having an eating disorder, the calculations, the lies, the planning, the focus, imagine if you used all of that for something else….think what you could achieve and do!”
I’ve never forgotten that. And maybe that’s what helped me overcome my ED. Knowing that if I was strong enough to have one, what could I do without it. Maybe that’s why I always like to push myself, maybe it’s because I realise how much strength and power we have inside us. And maybe it’s true, Sometimes we have to hit the bottom to feel our strength.
For me the addiction was a distraction and took me away from who I was and what I could do. It was the hardest battle I think I’ll ever have and I wish never to go to war with it again, but I do thank it for teaching me so many things, especially how strong we actually are.
Whenever I feel distracted by diets, body image, things out of my control , I try to remember that it is that, a distraction and try and switch that energy to something positive that I want to do.
Keep pushing yourself through the good and bad days. We all have weeks where our training hasn’t felt great, our food off track and our body image rock bottom. But even on those days turn up and put the work in. I’m still a far way off my goal, and maybe I’ll never reach it or maybe it will change. But I’ve grown so much from the person on the left to who I am today.
Feed the focus, starve the distractions.